Mary Sue Who?
by The Sentient Wolf
Summary: Her name is Andrea Sapphire Crystal Starshine Moonlight and she comes to Hogwarts in the Trio’s sixth year… with a dark, dark secret. Did I mention that she’s smart? And funny? And beautiful? And troubled? And perfect in everyway? MARY SUE PARODY
1. Sensational Sue

Title: Mary Sue Who?

Rating: T

Genre: Parody

Summary: Her name is Andrea Sapphire Crystal Starshine Moonlight and she comes to Hogwarts in the Trio's sixth year… with a dark, dark secret. Did I mention that she's smart? And funny? And beautiful? And troubled? And perfect in everyway? MARY SUE PARODY

Disclaimer: Anything you recognize is not mine. And I REFUSE to take responsibility for Andrea Starlight Crystal Whatever-The-Hell-Her-Name-Was!

A/N: Haven't written anything in awhile so I decided to poke fun at the numerous Mary Sue fics out there…and of course their dear writers. It's all in jest. This is my first parody so please tell me what you think.

Words in** BOLD** are Katie's story, those in (brackets) are her thoughts and commentary. All spelling and grammar errors in Katie's story are _intentional_! I'm just using examples of what irks me in some fics.

D34th2Th3m4rY$u3S

Chapter 1: Sensational Sue

Katie Thomas was an average girl with light-brown hair and brown eyes. She went to an average school and got average grades. She wasn't a cheerleader, she wasn't a goth, and she wasn't quite a nerd either. She enjoyed reading Harry Potter, listening to music and spending time with her friends. Average pastimes for any average 13 year old girl.

But Katie didn't want to be average.

She wanted her life to be adventurous and glamorous, or filled with heartbreak and sorrow.

So, she did what any self-proclaimed writer would do…she constructed a fantasy life for herself and inserted it into a ready-made world with ready-made characters as it saved her the trouble of thinking up her own.

For years Katie had been reading Fanfiction online and she finally decided she would join the ranks of the great (and er…not so great) authors.

Powering up her computer Katie seated herself in her comfy black swivel-chair and let her fingers dance quickly over the keyboard (which would explain the many typos) and slowly let her fairytale unfold…

**Chapter 1 **(She typed. Good start…)** It was a dark and stormy night, **(Yeah, that's good; Katie thought, it creates tension…readers love tension!) **the** **rain lashed at the windows of the Great Hall and the enchanted ceiling reflected the cloudy grey sky. **

**Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny were seated at the Gryfindor **(Katie squinted at the word…was it spelt right? Urgh, who cares? she decided. She didn't want to interrupt the flow of ideas for something as petty as a canon spell check.) **table whispering to one another. **(Exactly what they were whispering about Katie's readers will never find out as she did not deem it significant to develop the plot. She just wanted to introduce her Mar-uh…her Original Character.)

**The great double doors opened to reveal Professor McGonagal **(Another squint.) **and a long line of first years…but wait, they weren't all first-years…**(Katie grinned to herself, her readers must be dying with anticipation!)

**At the end of the line was the most beautiful girl anyone had ever seen. She must have been about sixteen years old. **(Here Katie paused and took a deep breath. It was time to describe her Ma… her Original Character's appearance, as it is, of course, central to the plot.)

**The girl had perfect sleek black **(No. Katie hit the backspace key and retyped…) **perfect** **sleek ebony hair that fell gracefully to the small of her back. Despite the overly large, flowing, unflattering robes it was obvious that she had a perfect figure. She was slender and willowy, yet somehow still curvaceous. **

**She held her head down and her perfect** **sleek ebony hair **(Here Katie used the handy copy'n'paste function to save time and further thought. Isn't she clever?) **hid her face from view. **

"**Whoa!" Ron whispered breathlessly. "Who's that?" **

"**I---I---" Harry seemed to have forgotten how to form an intelligent sentence; he was so taken by her beauty.**

**Over at the Sytherin **(Oh well, Katie decided, spelling isn't that important.) **table Draco Malfoy had half-risen from his seat to get a better look at the girl. **

**She's beautiful. He thought, despite the fact that he could not see her face and that she did not even know he existed. **

"**If I could have your attention for just a moment please," At the Head Table Dumbledore had gotten to his feet and every head turned quickly to him, despite the fact that every student found it physically painful to look away from the beautiful girl. "It may have come to her notice that we have a new student with us." Dumbledore's mustache twitched **(See, thought Katie, I'm staying true to the characters!)

"**Allow me to introduce **(Katie thought hard…she wanted an illustrious, beautiful, glamorous, exquisite name…) **Andrea Sapphire Crystal Starshine Moonlight."**

**Everyone gasped at the illustrious, beautiful, glamorous, exquisite name.**

"**Despite being 16 **(Katie was too lazy to type out the word) **years of age, Andrea Sapphire Crystal Starshine Moonlight has only just discovered that she is a witch. You will find, however, that she is quite on par with the other 6th years, in spite of the fact that she was had no magical training." She may even be more powerful than myself, Dumbledore thought silently **(The readers must love this! Who really cares about bad grammar and poor wording!)

"**I think we should sort Andrea Sapphire Crystal Starshine Moonlight first." Dumbledore said, mustache twitching once again **(…because he's Dumbledore!)

**The sorting hat was placed on Andrea Sapphire Crystal Starshine Moonlight's perfect** **sleek ebony hair and it seemed to take an age to sort her. **(Katie chuckled to herself, I'll leave out what the hat says so the readers will think I'm leaving them to draw their own conclusions, but really I can't be bothered to write it all out.)

"**GRYFFINDOR!" **(Suddenly it had two Fs.)

**The sudden applause was deafening. All the Grifindor students leapt to their feat and started cheering, while the members of the other Houses groaned. Some Hufflepuffs actually started crying. **(Because that's what ALL Hufflepuffs do!)

**As she slid off the stool and headed for the Gryffindore table Andrea Sapphire Crystal Starshine Moonlight raised her head for the first time. Harry, Ron, various other boys (and a few girls) and Draco all gasped. **

**She had the most intense violet eyes **(Katie spares but a moment to ponder just how Draco could have seen her eyes as her back was to him, but decides that it's immaterial.)

**They seemed to shine from her sockets, but at the same time they held a haunting dark beauty.**

**Andrea Sapphire Crystal Starshine Moonlight had a dark and troubling past… **(Oooh, a cliffhanger! Katie smiled as she quickly inserted her author's notes;)

**Title: Moonlight **(See, she's used her character's name in the title…how smart!)

**Genre: Romance/Angst (But it also could come under 'general', 'action/adventure' and even 'humor'! ) **(Katie knows she's a versatile writer.)

**Rating: T (I think…may go up for some naughty things later **(Giggles) **but just don't read the parts you are too young for!)**

**Disclaimer: (Insert witty disclaimer here) **(She'd seen this one used in other fics and thought it was very funny…and it required little thought on her part.)

**Summary: There's dis girl and her name is Andrea Sapphire Crystal Starshine Moonlight and she comes 2 Hog Warts, even tho she is 16 and she's beautiful and many ppl fall in luv with her and she has a dark secret and no 1 must find out. Sorry, my summary sux. **

**Author's Notes: My first fic! PLEAAAAAAAASEEEEEE REVIEW!1111 But no flames! So R&R!11111 **

D34th2Th3m4rY$u3S

Note: Katie is NOT ME! (That would be hypocritical!) I would NEVER write like that! And I am NOT making fun of people named Katie; please I think it is a lovely name.


	2. Mysterious Mary

Title: Mary Sue Who?

Rating: T

Genre: Parody

Summary: Her name is Andrea Sapphire Crystal Starshine Moonlight and she comes to Hogwarts in the Trio's sixth year… with a dark, dark secret. Did I mention that she's smart? And funny? And beautiful? And troubled? And perfect in everyway? MARY SUE PARODY

Disclaimer: Anything you recognize is not mine. And I REFUSE to take responsibility for Andrea Starlight Crystal Whatever-The-Hell-Her-Name-Was!

A/N: Haven't written anything in awhile so I decided to poke fun at the numerous Mary Sue fics out there…and of course their dear writers. It's all in jest. This is my first parody so please tell me what you think.

Words in** BOLD** are Katie's story, those in (brackets) are her thoughts and commentary. All spelling and grammar errors in Katie's story are _intentional_! I'm just using examples of what irks me in some fics.

D34th2Th3m4rY$u3S

A/N: I LOVE MY REVIEWERS! Seriously, I cannot thank you all enough! This is my first attempt at writing humor (my preferred genre is angst believe it or not o.0) so I was rather worried that I'd get a dozen flames saying "What the hell do you think you are doing! You're not even REMOTELY funny so grow the hell up!" or something. You all just totally reassured me.

Though I thank you all dearly…I do have one complaint; you've left my family fearing for my sanity as I haven't stopped grinning manically since I got the first review…..three days ago.

If I don't update in awhile it will be because those charming men in their magnificent white coats have taken me away ;-)

Chapter 2: Mysterious Mary

Katie had had a perfectly average week at her perfectly average school, and often found herself wondering why nothing interesting ever happened to her or her peers.

Okay, well there was that physics period when Mr. Crocker's lab coat caught alight…and Miss Anderson _slight_ mental breakdown in the middle of the Math lesson…but, really, those didn't count.

**Chapter 2**

**Andrea Sapphire Crystal Starshine Moonlight moved with the grace of a cat as she made her way to the Gryffindor House Table. **

**Her perfect sleek ebony hair seemed to shine with a brilliant light **(though it was nighttime and therefore virtually pitch black…) **as she crossed the Hall.**

**The silence was deafening as all were taken by her beauty and sheer perfectness **(stupid spell check couldn't find the word…but Katie didn't care, this was _her _fic and so it defied all laws of the English language.) **but** **Andrea Sapphire Crystal Starshine Moonlight** **didn't even seem to notice. **(no one likes an arrogant bitch, you see)

**She reached the Gryfindor House Table and swept gracefully into the seat beside Harry. **(Despite the fact that he was seated at the middle of the table, where it was most crowded)

"**H-hi I'm Ron Weasley." Whispered Ron breathlessly, leaning across Hermione to greet her.**

"**I'm Ginny Weasley." The fifth-year girl sitting on Harry's opposite side introduced herself. **

**Andrea Sapphire Crystal Starshine Moonlight took in their freckled faces and flaming red hair and deduced instantly that they must be related. **(I told you she was smart!)

"**_I'm_ _Her_mione Gran_ger_." The girl had bushy hair and a bossy attitude, yet Andrea Sapphire Crystal Starshine Moonlight, because she was so intuitive, could tell that beneath Hermione's exterior she was friendly and loving. **

**The bespectacled boy with black **(but _not_ ebony, only Katie's…Original Character…could have _ebony_) **hair turned to face her.**

**Instantly Andrea Sapphire Crystal Starshine Moonlight recognized the lightening-bolt shaped scar on his head, and she taken by his troubled, haunting green eyes **(though they were not nearly as troubled or haunting as her own)

"**I'm Harry—" he began but she cut him off **(politely of course)

"**I know who you are Harry. And it's a pleasure to meet you all. I'm Andrea Sapphire Crystal Starshine Moonlight **(thank God for copy'n'paste! Katie thought) **but you may call me Star." **

**Her voice was low and musical and as smooth and rich as dark chocolate. The words flowed like water from her **(_naturally_) **perfectly pouted red lips.**

**In the background the hat sang its song and the sorting commenced **(Well at least I mentioned it! Katie thought, feeling rather pleased with herself) **but Harry and Ron couldn't concentrate, they were too taken by Star's perfectly clear, porcelain-white skin and of course her gorgeous violet eyes. **

"**So Star," Hermione spoke pleasantly because, despite the fact that her boyfriend Ron was practically drooling over Star, she liked her. **(I mean, come on, who wouldn't!)** "Did you _really _only _just _find out that you are a _witch_?" **(Katie had to add the italics as it accentuated Hermione's speechand made both author and character sound classy.)

"**Yes, well I was showing signs of magic when I was two months old but…" Star's head dropped and her voice become softer. "But…certain circumstances prevented me from coming to Hogwarts sooner." **(Katie felt the need to subtly remind her readers of Star's dark, dark past.)

"**Wow." Ginny was in awe of Star, wishing that she was her older sister **(despite the fact that they had said a grand total of two sentences to one another.)

"**Ain't that something, hey 'Mione?" **(Hermione's nickname was never mentioned in canon. Ever. Not _once_ in the series. But Katie was sure that was just an error on Rowling's part.) **Ron nudged** **his on/off girlfriend in the ribs **(how romantic…)

"**Yes, it _is_** **some_thing, _Ron." Hermione regarded Star quietly for a moment and then said;**

At this moment Katie's mother called her from downstairs. Quickly Katie punched out the sentence-

"**How will u no wut classes u'll b taking?" **

**-**andfled from her room, not wanting to keep her dear mother waiting.

An hour and two helpings of lasagna later Katie was back at her computer, typing furiously.

"**Yeah, I didn't take my OWLs Last year, but Dumbledore says he has complete faith in my abilities and so I'm allowed to do any classes I want." Star said it without the slightest hint of arrogance in her voice. **

"**That's great." Harry grinned, truly, deeply, purely thrilled for her. "You chosen your classes yet?" **

"**Yes, I'll be doing charms, transfiguration, herbology, defense **(capitalization isn't important, apparently…) **and potions." **

"**Hey, those are the same subjects as ours!**" (What a lucky coincidence) **Ron piped up. **

**Harry asked, "Do you want to be an auror too?" **

**But before Star could reply Dumbledore had got to his feet and the feast had begun. **

**Ron instantly began to shovel food into his mouth "oooo diz soooo guuuda." **(Because NO fic is complete without this touching scene)

**Star was steadily making her way through her third chicken wing as they marveled at her super-fast metabolism. **

"**It's so good to see a girl eat such a decent-sized meal." Harry said, smiling. **

**Star blushed and said "Well, I haven't eaten much in some time because…" Her eyes darkened and she fell silent. **

**She suddenly became aware that someone was watching her **(though she had been immune to the attention thus far) **and she raised her violet eyes to the Staff Table where they meet a pair of cold black ones.**

**The man had a long, hooked nose and greasy shoulder length hair **(Can anyone guess? Anyone? Katie loved to maintain a sense of ambiguity)** and he was regarding her silently. **

**The two continued to stare each other down until finally the man looked away, but Star couldn't shake the odd feeling in her gut. **

**There was something about that man…something dark and mysterious **(no, nowhere as dark and mysterious as Star herself but dark and mysterious nonetheless.) **and for some reason Star felt sure that she had seen him before. **

**It was definitely going to be an interesting year. **

**Notes: Did you like it? Huh, huh didya? REVIEW!1111one. Not 2 sure watz gonna happen, but there's 1 way 2 find out…**

D34th2Th3m4rY$u3S

I take NO responsibly for the decline in IQ points. Next chapter should be up in about a week.

I'm fighting through writer's block at the moment so I'm hoping future chapters will improve.


	3. Another Awful Alliteration

Title: Mary Sue Who?

Rating: T

Genre: Parody

Summary: Her name is Andrea Sapphire Crystal Starshine Moonlight and she comes to Hogwarts in the Trio's sixth year… with a dark, dark secret. Did I mention that she's smart? And funny? And beautiful? And troubled? And perfect in everyway? MARY SUE PARODY

Disclaimer: Anything you recognize is not mine. And I REFUSE to take responsibility for Andrea Starlight Crystal Whatever-The-Hell-Her-Name-Was!

A/N: Haven't written anything in awhile so I decided to poke fun at the numerous Mary Sue fics out there…and of course their dear writers. It's all in jest. This is my first parody so please tell me what you think.

Words in** BOLD** are Katie's story, those in (brackets) are her thoughts and commentary. All spelling and grammar errors in Katie's story are _intentional_! I'm just using examples of what irks me in some fics.

D34th2Th3m4rY$u3S

Author's Note: I want to experiment with a couple of puns and a little word play in this chapter, see if you can spot it :) also look out for some ridiculous over-descriptions (not that they're hard to find or anything…)

Again thank you to my WONDERFUL reviewers, sorry this update took so long. And to each girl who reviewed to tell me that her name is Katie…THANK YOU for not flaming!

Chapter 3: Another Awful Alliteration

**Notes: K well, I haven't gotten any reviews yet, but NO FLAMES either so WoOoOoT! Did I mention that this is my 1st fic, plz bare with me. PLZ?**

**Yeah and this story is going 2 b AU, coz its MINE and I can!**

**CHAPTER 3**

**Moonlight flitted slowly through the shinny silver gossamer curtains as Star sat upon her exquisite, lavish, gorgeous, silken four-poster bed. Her perfect sleek ebony hair fell around her shoulders and her soft, unblemished, porcelain white skin shone in the moonlight. **

(It was at this point that Katie forgot what she was originally going to type, as she had put so much into…um…describing the scenery. She dedicated that now was a good time to remind her readers that…)

**Star was troubled. And she couldn't escape the horrors of her dark, dark past. She sighed. **

**For as long as she could remember she'd had haunting nightmares of her haunting past that left her unable to escape haunting reality. **

**With another delicate sigh Star laid her head genitally to her silken pillow and soon found blissful sleep. **(Despite being so troubled.)

**The next morning Star awoke to beautiful golden-red rays. She stretched gracefully and slid gracefully out of bed. **

"**Morning Star."**

**Star looked around to find Hermione sitting at the dressing table mirror, carefully applying her make-up **(because that's not _totally _out of character or anything…)

"**Hi, 'Mione."**

**In spite of the fact that she had just got out of bed Star's hare still fell gracefully to her waste and she looked simple stunning. **

"**Oh Star…your hare is so gorgeous!" Hermione said somewhat wistfully. **

**Star blushed modestly and shrugged of the compliment. **

"**Nah…I'm having a bad-hair-day." She said. **(Though a simple 'thank you' would suffice.)

"**We should hurry or we'll be late for breakfast." **

**Star was carefully to avoid the mirror as she led Hermione from the room. **

**As a result of her dark, dark past Star was left with very low self-esteem and hated looking at her own reflection. ** (But that didn't matter of course…because she was perfect.)

**The foursome **(Ron and Harry had popped out of a plot hole, you see.) **made their way to the gr8 hall and were met with an unusual amount of stairs. **

**Star tactfully ignores the attention and made her way to the house table, hermione, ron and harry followed. **(Katie capitalized only her… Original Character's…name. After all, who was more important in the Harry Potter fanfic world?)

**McGonagall was handing out timetables by the time Star had swept **(An adjective…Katie needed an adjective…and then it came to her like a bolt of lighting out of the blue and she typed…) **gracefully to her seat. **

"**Here you are Andrea Sapphire Crystal Starshine Moonlight." **(thank the Good Lord for copy'n'paste! Katie thought.) **McGonagall** **said.**

**Star took her timetable just as the others received theirs. **

"**Oh no…" Ron groaned. "Double potions with the Slytherins first."**(Katie wanted to create drama and action…and this was the most _original_ way she could think to do it. But then Katie had a sudden thought and quickly added…)

**Notes: That Slughorn guy doesn't exist in my story, K? As a matter of fact, 4get all of HBP…but not all of it, just some parts, but a lot of parts, but some of it is still the same, just not all of it because some of it is different, but some of it is the same so remember some but don't worry about the rest. **(Thank God she cleared that up! Her readers might have gotten confused otherwise…)

"**Oh well." Harry sighed **(not as dramatically as Star, though) **and got to his feet. "We'd better hurry up." **(Katie decided that food wasn't that important after all.)

**The four of them walked down the cold dungeon steps to the cold dungeon. **

**Once inside Hermione and Star paired up together and Harry went with Ron. **

**The door flew open with a bang and Professor Severus snape made his entrance. **

**_Where have I seen him before? _Star thought intently. Why oh why he is so familiar? **(Er…because you saw him last night?)

"**Class today you will be making an incredibly complex potion. Very few sixth years can brew this correctly on their first try." The potions master smirked **(Wow! Look how In Character Katie's made him!) **"So I don't expect much from you lot." **

**With a flick of his wand Snape made the instructions to a potion called…**(Her Katie paused, she wanted a really creative name for her amazing potion, despite the fact that she had no idea what it did, but she was having trouble coming up with one. Oh well, she thought, that's what author's notes are for…)

**A/n: insert name and function of potion here. **(Clever girl)

**Star read the instructions very carefully off the board and set to work. **

**Meanwhile Snape was prowling around the room, criticizing all the Gryfindor's work and praising the Slytherins. **

"**Wow, is he always so mean?" Star whispered. **

"**Yeah." Ron answered bitterly. "Git." **(Star is the main character here so other character's dialogue is not important)

**As Star watched Snape move around the room she wondered what horrors he must have faced in the past. Obviously his life could have been nowhere near as awful as hers, but still… **

"**My, my…" Snape was staring down into Star's cauldron with an odd look on his face.**

"**Is something wrong, Sir?" **

"**No…no…" Without another word Snape drifted away.**

"**What was that about?" Star mouthed to Hermione, who responded with "Your potion is perfect!" **(Who didn't see that one coming?)

"**Really Potter…this is disgraceful!" Snape snapped. **

**Star felt the fury well up within her, Harry's potion wasn't _that _bad! **

"**Honestly…you are lazy…and…**(Katie searched desperately for the word…) **sloppy and…inactive…and idle…and sluggish…and lethargic…"**

"**He is not!" Star screamed suddenly.**

**Snape turned to face her, smirking. **(See?Good characterization yet again!)** "Oh he's not is he?" **(Because that _really is_ the best come-back that cannon's most sarcastic character could come up with)

"**You're just looking for any excuse to put him down!" Star shot back. **

**The class had gone deadly silent and Neville looked on the verge of tears **(Yes, Star is _that _amazing)

"**I will not tolerate this!" Snape thundered, moving in toward Star and locking his onyx eyes with her violet ones. **

"**The truth hurts." Star whispered as her eyes flashed blood red. **

"**50 points from Gryfindore and detention this Friday night!" Snape screamed. **

**Star was about to answer back when Hermione grabbed her arm, "Leave it." She said. **

**The bell rang. And the stunned class left the room. **

**Star was last to leave and as she walked out the door she caught Snape's eye and raised her head defiantly. **

**Why was this all so familiar? **

With a satisfied smile Katie lent back in her swivel chair and clicked the Internet Explorer icon. Thirty seconds later she was cruising the information highway.

First stop was Fanfiction. net to post her latest chapter. She spent sometime browsing her fellow writers' stories and reading reviews.

_What's a Mary Sue? _She wondered after reading a particularly nasty flame on a story about Harry's long lost twin sister.

In the meantime, unbeknownst to Katie, her inbox began to fill…

**Reviews for Moonlight **

**From: Obsessed Snape Fangurl **

**Review: SNAPE IS MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE! STAR CANT HAVE HIM! I L O V E S N A P E ! 1 !**

**From: HoTTChicK**

**Review: Liek ZOMFG Star reminds me so much of like…ME!**

**From: Any Intelligent Life Out There? **

**Review: Please, stop writing. Please. **


	4. Need Advice

I need your advice...

If anyone reads this I'd really like your input on a potentially serious matter regarding this fic.

Let me just say that usually I would NEVER do this (it's the kind of thing I'd parody actually) but I really want to be sure of something before I post the next chapter.

As I'm sure most seasoned fanfic readers will have noticed, it seems that two common factors are present in nearly ALL the Sue fics out there. These are, namely, the Sue's past history of abuse and then self-injury.

Now forgive me if I'm mistaken but I tend to get the impression that MANY of the writers have actually had little or no experience with either of these matters, not that, that's a bad thing of course, but these issues are rather serious in reality and any writing on them should come from personal experience.

So my question to my readers, you guys, if I were to parody (tactfully of course) the writers who attempt and abuse and self injury fics would anyone take offence? Please leave me a review if so.

If everyone is okay with it then I will continue on abuse/SI route.

And a special thank you to the last person ("I'm in a good mood thx to your story") to review (since you were unlogged) I really appreciate your comment. It left me with a HUGE grin on my face the WHOLE day. If you are still reading I'd love if you were to sign in and drop me a line I'd like to read your work if you have any posted. :-)

And to my dear straight-jacketed friend "The Denominator" I KNOW YOU'RE THERE, thanks for being such an AWESOME reviewer…hope you'll keep reading!


	5. Troublesome Triumphs

SORRY for the late update. My modem is KILLING me. I posted another story and was literally just about to upload this one when I lost connection.

That's the downside to living in a country with only one shoddy service provider.

I know the chapters are rather short, but seriously, just writing Katie's part sometimes makes me nauseous.

And I will just reinstate; 1) All 'mistakes' in **bold **are intentional, as is the God awful writing style.

2) I own nothing but the plot and would like to thank JKR and Bloomsbury…and of course the many, many Sue authors out there, Star belongs to you guys…no really, I insist, she's all yours…seriously; it's my pleasure…JUST TAKE HER, DAMMIT!

Chapter 4: Troublesome Triumphs

**OMG YAY, I got 3 reviews! I can't belive it, itz 2 aWsUm!!**

**So ya, next chap.**

**Chapter 4**

**The year began to fly bye and harry, mione, ron and Star **(the Mar—the OC's name being the only one worthy of capitalization…like one would capitalize God, but then again, what's the difference?)** drew closer. **

**It was exactly one week before Halloween when Dumbledore made an announcement that sent waves of excitement threw the intire student body.**

"**In exactly 1 week," twinkle, twinkle, "the school will be having a Halloween Dance for all fourth years and above!" **

**A loud cheer filled the room, and many of the younger students exchanged looks of indig--indigin **(Katie thought hard…she knew the word…she'd heard it before…) **indigna—irritation. **

"**OH emmmm GEE!" Mione shrieked, grabbing Ginny's hand. **

"**Yes, yes." Twinkle, twinkle, "I know this may course some excitement, but I'd advice you all to start pairing up if you wish to attend..."**

**At these words Harry shot a fleeting glance at Star, but she didn't notice of course **(despite the fact that he was practically drooling in her lap…) **as she was far too modest. **

**The next couple of days the older students were disruptive in all of they're classes. All over the castle pairs were pairing up. **

**Hermy and ron were going together, and Gin was going with a boy in her year named Tenuous, but whom everybody called Tonic. **(No comment.)

**Harry and Star still did not have partners, though she was not short of offers. **

**She was asked out up to five times a day by boys of various ages and from various houses. **

**Each and every time she responded with "I'm truly honoured, but I think you deserve so much better then me. We are not destined to be." **

**It was one of the many poems in her journal and after hearing it the boys left with tears in their eyes. Not because Star had hurt them, but because of the sheer beauty of her words. **

**Draco Malfoy still watched her silently with cold grey eyes, he was still waiting for the right moment to make his move…**

**As was Harry. **

**Yet, Star was oblivious. **

**Finally the day before the ball arrived and it became too much for Harry. "Star?" He said, as they ate their evening meal. "Yes, Harry?" She responded sweetly. "Star…I" "What is it Harry?" **(Paragraphs are SO outdated!)

"**Star… since we both don't have partners…d'you wanna go to the ball with me?" **

"**Oh, Harry that would be wonderful!" She responded, her violet eyes turning blue with pleasure. **

**That night Harry fell asleep with a huge grin on his face. **

**But 1 person who was not sleeping so well was Star. **

**She sat up, thinking of her haunting dark past and writing sad poems in her journal **(in spite of the fact that there was NO light in the room)

_**Oh why**_

_**Must I cry?**_

_**It hurts so bad**_

_**To always be sad.**_

_**They think I am alright**_

_**But they do not see my pain tonight**_

_**Nothing will make it alright.**_

_**There is no one for me to hold**_

**_There is no one to protect me from the cold_**

**_But may be one day_**

_**I will be ok.**_

**Snapping the book shut she cast a complex, wandless silencing spell and pulled out a razor blade. **(From nowhere, apparently.)

Katie had heard of people who cut themselves and always thought it must take a lot of courage. Secretly she wondered why her life couldn't be that exciting.

**The next day classes were cancelled. **(because, despite a castle filled with adults and teenagers with magical powers, it takes a whole day to prepare one hall for a dance.)

(Katie sighed, it was too much effort to write about the entire day, so instead…)

**That evening Star and Hermione were getting ready. **

"**Oh." Hermione sighed dramatically, hands in her hair. **

"**What is the matter?" Star asked caringly. **

"**It is my hare. I can never get it were I want to."**

"**Let me help you."**

**It took nearly half an hour but when she was done, Hermione looked completely transformed. **(Katie decided it was not worth describing her, Star was the one everybody would be interested in.)

**Star looked absolutely gorgeous, totally stunning, and simply dazzling. **

**Her perfect sleek ebony ™ hair flowed around her back and shoulders and she wore a short **(but not slutty) **crimson dress, with a slit that ran up her leg. It had a low **(but not slutty) **v-neck** **and strappy **(but not slutty) **shoulders. **

**Her shoes were red high-heals with straps that went around her ankles. **(Katie herself had never worn high-heals, but planned to…one day…)

**Despite the pencil heals Star walked with perfect grace as she descended the flight of stairs to the Great Hall. Every head turned in her direction and many gasped aloud, a few people actually fainted. **(but, yes, she's still oblivious.)

**At the foot of the stares Harry took her hand.**

"**Wow." He said, smiling at her.**

**Star blushed and her eyes turned pink. **

**The Hall was glitzy and beautiful. It filled quickly with dancing couples. **

**Harry and Star made their way to the centre of the floor. **(but not because they're arrogant and attention-seeking, but because…because it was the only part of the room that was clear…)

"**I've never danced before." Star admitted shyly as Harry placed his hand on her slender, yet curvy, waste. **

"**Just go with the music." Harry whispered. **

**And the couple took off, gliding gracefully across the room. Other pairs stopped dancing to stare at them **(Yes…oblivious…) **but they didn't notice.**

**Star's feat moved effortlessly in time to the tune as Harry steered her gently. **

**Emerald green eyes stared into violet eyes. **

**Finally the song ended and they stopped dancing, still they remained close. **

"**I…"Harry said romantically.**

"**Do…do want something to drink?" Star asked, breaking the moment, in fear that she was only imagining the love-struck look in Harry's eyes. After all who could love _her_? **(Now, that is the question…)

"**Yeah, yeah that'd be great." **

**They joined Ron and Mione, who had also just finished dancing. **

"**It's really hot in here." Star said. "I'm going to take a walk."**

"**Sure." Harry responded. **(Because whereas ten seconds ago it would have killed him to part from her, he now didn't mind letting her walk outside without him in a slutt—er a low-cut dress. Ah…plotholes.)

**The cool night air sent chills through Star's body and she walked along the path lined with rosebushes. **

"**My, my. Look who it is." Said a quite voice. **

**Star whirled around. "Professor Snape." She greeted coldly. **

"**Tsk, tsk so formal." **

**Star watched in silence as the tall man stepped closer to her. "You really don't remember, do you?" He said suddenly.**

"**What…what?" Star was not afraid, she was far above fear, she was just confused.**

"**The past Miss. Moonlight, the past." **

"**I don't know what you are talking about." But Star couldn't shake the uneasy feeling. **

"**Andrea Sapphire Crystal Starshine Moonlight" **(Katie had to scroll up to the top of her page to copy the name, she'd honestly forgotten it during the course of her story) **Snape began slowly. **

**Star looked up and in an instant she knew what he was about to say.**

"**Andrea Sapphire Crystal Starshine Moonlight, you are the daughter of Lord Voldemort."**

I am in NO way glorifying self-injury, nor am I making fun of the people who hurt themselves. Rather, I am insulting the morons who think it is cool.

The author would like to apologize for the capitalization and God comment, she does not mean to offend or blaspheme, she knows there's no comparison…Mary Sue wins hands down.

Damn, I did it again. Please don't smite me!


	6. An Author Appears

Chapter 5: An Author Appears

In the months following the update of her story (for lack of better word) Katie had been incredibly busy.

At least that is what she told herself.

In truth, Katie had succumbed to the dreaded curse of writer's block.

She had almost begun questioning the plotline of her fic.

Almost.

**Chapter 5 **

**Star's shimmering, shining, sparkling hair blowed about her waste **(not an image one would want to picture...) **and she stared at snape.**

"**Im…im Voldamorts daughter?" Her violet eyes went sliver. **

"**U really don't remember?" **

"**No…" Tears leaped to the corners of Stars beautyful eyes.**

"**Well then." Snape smirked **(yup, Katie's got characterization down-pat) ** "Let me remind you. "Do you have any memories of your mother b4 you were adopted?"**

**Star thort hard** (it just _might _be possible…)**, but she didn't want to remember 2 much of her dark, dark past. "No." She whispered genitally. **

"**Well your mother." Snape said. "Her name was Marion Suzanne. She was smart. And funny. And beautiful. And troubled. And perfect in everyway." Snape said. "She went to schoole with voldermart and she was the only 1 he every loved." Snape said. "But she was killed shortly after you were born, and then the auroras took you to a muggle orphanage to keep you out of voldamorts hands." Snape said. "It was clear from the moment that you were born that you possessed unheard of powers and that Voldemort Could Rule The World With You At His Side." Snape said. **

"**This is all so much." Star raised a hand to her delicate, porcelain **(crash, crash, tinkle, tinkle…oops) **forehead. "The ministry sent me to that awful orphanage? The people who adopted me…" Star cut off, tears trickling down the flawless skin on her cheeks. **

**Snape looked at her with pity. "I know Star, I no." And he pulled her in2 a soft hug. **(because Snape generally goes around embracing random teary students.)

**Star wept onto his shoulder for an hour **(at which point Snape's robes were dripping wet.) **but she still looked beautiful **(even with puffy red eyes and snort running into her mouth.)

"**You were never s'possed to know this." Snape sed **(which is, of course, why he told her one assumes.)

"**I'm not like him." Star whispered tearfully. **

"**We know that now." Snape said. "And we were talking about letting you join the order." **(They won't let Harry The-Boy-Who-Lived join but of course they would make exceptions for the Mar- excuse me;the OC.)

"**Yes we were." Said a sudden brassy voice. **

**Snape and Star spun round to find dumbledor standing behind them **(how convenient…)

"**You are an incredibly powerful witch** **Andrea Sapphire Crystal Starshine Moonlight. You an excelled in all your classes, you can do wandless magic and can apparate."**

"**But…but im nothing special." **

"**Au contre **(Katie was proud of the foreign language she used. It's right, she told herself, of course it's right.) **You maybe the only hope of the wizarding world. **(coughHarryPotter?cough) **Will you join the order?"**

"**Of course." Star whispered. "I want to help people."**

"**Then welcome to the Order!" **(Wow, who knew that joining secret, underground societies was so easy?) **dumbldore exclaimed. **

"**Thank you. I swear to uphold the duties placed before me, and strive to make the Order all it can be." **(She was quite a way with words, doesn't she?)

**Dumbledore grinned "Wanderful! Now I believe that you should get back to the dance, Andrea Sapphire Crystal Starshine Moonlight. I will be in touch." **(With that he leaves the clearly traumatized student to deal with it on her own.)

"**Will you be okay" Snape asked.**

"**yes." **

"**You R strong." **

**Star walked quickly back to the hall, but on the way she ran in2 **

"**Draco?" **

"**Star?" **

**The blonde wizard looked at her. "You look troubled **(but doesn't she always?)

"**I…"**

"**Star!" Another voice called her and Harry came around the corner. **

"**Pothead." Draco said coldly. **

"**Ferret." Harry said coldly. **(Clearly originality is not one of Katie's strong suits.)

"**What are you doing with Star." Harry demented. **

"**Why are you asking?" Draco asked. **

**Harry withdrew his wand.**

**Draco withdrew his wand. **

"**No!" Star screamed. "Stop it you too! Can't you see that we all need to get along?"**

"**She…she's right." Draco said, eyes widening.**

"**Why didn't I see it before?" Harry said. **

"**Now shake hands." Star commanded. **

"**I'm sorry." Both boys said 2gether. **(Yes, Star is just _that _great.)

"**Now." Star said. "I have sumthing to tell you…"**

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm baaaack. Sorry for the delay! Writers' block is a killer!


	7. Terrible Tales Terribly Told

A/N: I really want to thank all of you for reading this, and especially those who took the time to review. It really makes it all worthwhile. This one's for you guys! And a special mention to my most faithful reviewer Miss Tinkerbell, thank you once again!

And, in honour of Star, I am now accepting donations for SAVE ME (Society for the Awful, Very Erratic Marys Everywhere), an organization dedicated to the rehabilitation of Mary Sues worldwide!

Send your donations via review and save your favourite canon!  
**------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

Chapter 6: Terrible Tales Terribly Told  
Katie stared for a few moments at the screen before her. The blank pages of Microsoft Word lay just waiting to be abused—er, uh, _filled_.

She scrolled through the pages of her story with her handy cordless mouse and wondered, just briefly though, why there were so many squiggly red and green lines beneath her typed words.

Oh, well.

**Chapter 6 **  
"**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" Ginny screamed, staring at Star. **

"**Don't be afraid." The brave witch replyed. **

**Ginny, Mione, Ron, Harry and Draco were all sitting in the Gryfindor common room **(as, suddenly, the Houses were allowed to mingle.) **nd Star was telling the terrible tale terribly told to her. **

**The fire roared in the fireplace, and the light danced beautifully off Star's perfect sleek ebony ™ hair and turned her eyes ember-yellow-gold.**

"**Star." Hairy reached for her hand and connected his fingers to hers. "I don't want you to get hurt."**

"**Ill be fine. Voldermort is my father so I should know him better then any1 else and only I can save the world coz I have powers and im special." **(Yes Star, you're very _special_…)

"**I don't want you to get hurt either star." Said Draco. "But I want to see ALL the death eaters and voldamert go down." **

"**You're **_**so**_** clever, Star." Said Hermione. "**_**You**_** will fine a way." **

"**I cant do it without you guys." Star said, tears shinning in her amber **(does anyone else get the image of a tree?)** eyes. **

"**I think we should all get some sleep." Ron said. **

"**You guys go." Star replied. "I ill be up for awhile." **

"**Ill stay with you." Harry said and the others left. **

**Harry and Star talked for alot **(meaningless to the "plot", of course) **and star started crying. **

"**Shhhhhhhhhhhhh." Harry whispered, puting his arms around her. **

**Suddenly they were kissing. **

Katie herself had never been kissed, but she knew what it must be like, she had read about it in fanfiction, after all.

**It sent shivers down Star's Spinal Chord and left her breathless **(it's too much to hope that she'd suffocate) **the room spinned…**

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Star and Harry woke up the next moring, lying together on the armchair. **(Figure that one out)

"**Star, I love you." **"**harry I love you too." **

"**I **_**knew**_** it!" Said Hermione **(she's just smart like that)

"**I'm so happy for you both." Said ginny. **(Who cares if it wasn't cannon, _everybody_ loves Star, Katie rationalized.)

"**Thank you Mione and Gin." Star blushed. "We should go to brakefast now." **

"**Yes **_**let **_**us **_**go." **_**Hermione annunciated. **

**At breakfast, draco joined them **(oh look, a plot hole!) **and they ate together, talking about things. **

**Star knew she was going to be okay with her friends beside her. **

**She was the greatest witch off her time. **  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"**I cant wait to spend the holiday at grimmauld place." Said harry, mione, ginny, ron, draco and star. **

**harry, mione, ginny, ron, draco and star were going to spend the holiday at grimmauld place. **

(Which holiday it was and why Dumbledore had allowed Harry to leave the care of the Dursleys, Katie didn't know, nor did she care. It was _her _story, after all.)

**They were sitting in a compartment together, riding on the train. **

Then Katie had a sudden thought and typed quickly;

**A/N: U know, I've only gotten 3 reviews and I've decided that I'm not gonna continue dis fic til I get 10 more!!!!!!!!!! **(Alas! How would we sleep at night if not for Katie's fic?) **So REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **

**Star was sitting in Harry's lap and he said. "Wow Star you are so light!" **

"**Yeah, I wish I could be like you." Ginny said. **

"**No you don't" Star said. "I'm troubled, and I have a dark, dark past." **

"**Oh yeah, forgot bout that." **

**Star stared out of the compartment window for a moment, thinking about her dark, dark past…**

**FLASHBACK**

"**You, girl! Make the bre****akfast!" **

"**Yes, sir, right away!" Said 3yr old star, running quickly to the frying pan **(because, as you know, frying pans are always strategically placed within the grasp of three-year-olds) **and staring to fry the bacon.**

"**Quickly!" Said the ugly, fat man who Star lived with. **

"**Yes Sir. I will commence with it now." Star replied**.

"**Your not doing it fast enough!" Said the man, slapping Star. **(Frankly, I'd slap her too…)

**But Star, because she's brave, did not cry out. **

"**Im done!" She said, giving the man the bacon. **

"**Good." Now go to her rag in the small, dark corner of the basement, under the dripping pipe and stay there. "Muuuhaaaahaaaahaaa!"**

**Star scurried out of the kitchen to the basement, tears forming in her violet eyes. **

**END FLASHBACK **

"**Star! Star can you here me!" **

"**Wh-what?!!!"**

"**Star, you were dreaming!" Harry whispered, staring into Star's eyes. "Cmon, the train has stopped." **

**The new golden trio **(Katie hadn't quite figured out the meaning of the word '_TRI_O' yet) **Stepped onto the platform, off the train. **

**Star crossed the barrier first, but suddenly out of nowhere a man leaped out and grabbed her. **

Katie smiled in satisfaction, knowing her readers would be on the very edge of their seats, some even tipping their seats forward, now all she had to do was wait for the reviews to come pouring in.

Simple.


End file.
